I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
