can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
