Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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