i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize