What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
