I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
