Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
