I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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