That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
