Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
