I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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