wat bout pragnant strippers??
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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