he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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