You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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