it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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