Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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