No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
