God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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