"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
