After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
