508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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