It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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