There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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