What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Vodka?
Forever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
