i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
