FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
