i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
