nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
