I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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