I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
