Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
