I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You've changed since you got that strap on
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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