they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
