PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
