my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Randomize
