That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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