she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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