Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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