Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
