Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You ate ashes out of my bong
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