I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
