it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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