Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
only you would photoshop your dick
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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