Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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