What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
