I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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