hotel room ftw
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
