A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
