Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
