There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
