Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
