im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
