She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
