I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize