you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
