we're chasing vodka with high fives
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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