Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
