I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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