I just cut my nipple shaving
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
