I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
