You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
