after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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