You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
