Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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