Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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