he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
