i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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