At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
