yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
