You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
