Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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