I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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