who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
