I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
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He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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