I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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